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Giving Instructions to Get an Actual Response Parents and caregivers tell their children what to do countless times per day. I would know, I’m a mom too. Get dressed. Grab your cup. Wash your hands. Leave the dogs alone. Take that out of your mouth! And the list goes on. Children with autism have restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior. Such patterns may manifest as insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or stereotypic use of objects. These preferences can make following instructions particularly difficult, especially when following instructions also involves temporarily pausing preferred play or activities. When telling your child to do something becomes difficult, you may be inclined to just take care of the tasks you’d like them to do. While this may help you accomplish your goals momentarily, missed opportunities to practice may be harmful in the long-term, when it becomes even harder for your child to follow your directions. With any new skill, practice is essential for your child to build the habits and understanding necessary for your child to follow any new instruction you provide them. The following tips may help you connect with your child and improve their willingness to follow your directions. Grab their attention! Move closer to your child to ensure they can see and hear you. Get on their level so you are their primary focus. Make eye contact. Use a gentle tap or nudge to help the child orient and engage with you. Your words matter! Use statements, not questions Asking questions offers an opportunity for avoidance (have you ever had someone tell you “no” when you ask them to do something?) Can you wash your hands? Wash your hands. Be specific. Use enough information that your child clearly understands the direction. Clean up Put your Legos in their box. Use fewer words. Minimize confusion by keeping your instructions short and sweet. Please take the time to carefully clean up all of your toys and put them back where you know where they belong. Please put your stuffed animals on the shelf. Encourage the behaviors you want to see. Identify preferred behaviors. Specify the behaviors you want to encourage. “Good job” Thank you for sitting down in your chair for snacktime. Vary your enthusiasm If your child does something on their own with limited assistance, celebrate their success with enthusiasm. If your child required additional help and multiple reminders, offer praise Praise the effort, not the result. Encourage your child’s hard work That picture is beautiful. I’m proud of how hard you worked on your picture! Practice! Start with easy tasks. Give your child instructions for things they are likely to comply with. “Sit in your chair” [for a highly preferred snack] “Put on your shoes” [to go play outside] “Give mom the book’ [to read together] Break it down. Divide large tasks into smaller, manageable steps. Get ready to go. Put on your shoes. Put on your coat. Pick up your backpack. Do the task together. New tasks can be daunting. Working together can make tasks easier and more fun! And finally, give yourself grace as you navigate compliance with your child (neurodivergent or not) and don’t be afraid to reach out for help. For personalized ABA services, tailored to your family, check out: ABA Autism Therapy Services Near You - Autism Learning Collaborative.

Being a parent of a neurodiverse child has its own set of challenges. Challenges that can be so unique that a practitioner may have to get creative with evidenced-based interventions. Being a parent of a neurodiverse child AND a practitioner is a completely different story. Especially 10-15 years ago. Let’s talk about this. Many years ago, I knew my then 2-year-old daughter was different. Whenever anyone asked me how she was different, I could never put my thoughts adequately into words. “She is just different.” The general response would be, “Well, she just NEEDS discipline. Spank her, put her in time out.” I had so many conflicting feelings about this. My instincts were screaming “THIS IS NOT RIGHT!” My brain was at battle with myself daily. I fought negative thoughts and comments from family telling me I was not a good mother or parent, and my child was unruly. At 2 years old, my daughter was engaging in screaming, kicking, biting, hair pulling, crying, scratching, punching and slapping behaviors during transitions from the home to the community. She did not prefer ANY change to routine, did not like various smells, lighting, and sounds. She struggled with social and play skills with peers and only wanted one person, ME, her “momma”. Getting the Diagnosis: Fast forward through years of struggles, heartache, trauma and being ostracized (not only myself but my child by family and peers), she got a diagnosis! After visiting numerous physicians (so many I lost count) and countless misdiagnoses, she was FINALLY diagnosed at the age of 10 years old with Asperger’s Syndrome. The uphill battle began with family, friends and her school district. During this entire time, I continued to hear what a terrible mother I was and witnessed my child being excluded from school functions by her peers and being bullied daily. Helping as a Parent: I accessed any resource I could to help her. There was not much to choose from. Most of the resources were for children with level 3 autism spectrum disorders or significant behavioral issues such as drug or alcohol dependency. Nothing, absolutely nothing, for a high functioning child with sensory and social skill needs. At that time, the only true resource we had available was an intensive parent training program and ABA services for my daughter. During this time, I saw her blossoming. It gave me hope. It inspired me to get into this field I so adore today. I say all of this NOT to discourage parents from seeking help. I share my story to reflect on how much this field has changed in 10+ years. Today, the resources are plentiful. Private and public ABA resources from schools to individual companies and government funded programs. ABA practices focusing on assent-based, trauma-informed, evidence-based interventions. Absolutely incredible the amount of assistance to help our children of all ages. Trust your Gut! As I reflect on these changes, I can’t help but wonder how all of these resources would have impacted my daughter and my other children like her not so long ago. My momma heart swells with pride thinking of how much she has overcome to get where she is today. For all the parents out there who may be listening to the “noise” of others, DON’T. Follow your instincts, seek the resources, advocate for your child. You got this! Lori Vitello, MA, BCBA, LBA Autism Learning Collaborative St. Louis In-Home Branch Assistant Clinical Director www.autismlearningcollaborative.com

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Receiving an autism diagnosis for your child can evoke a complex tapestry of emotions, from confusion and concern to love and determination. As parents embark on this journey together, supporting each other becomes as crucial as supporting their child. This blog explores the emotional dynamics within families navigating an autism diagnosis, offering practical advice to foster resilience, communication, and a balanced approach to caregiving. Understanding the Emotional Impact The initial phase following a diagnosis can be overwhelming. Acknowledging your feelings and giving yourself permission to experience a wide range of emotions is a crucial first step. It's important to remember that feelings of grief, frustration, and even relief are normal as parents come to terms with their new reality. Communication is Key Open and honest communication between parents is foundational. Regular check-ins where each person can express their feelings, fears, and hopes without judgment can strengthen your partnership. Consider establishing a weekly 'heart-to-heart' session where you can discuss not just the challenges but also the victories, no matter how small. Supporting Each Other Supporting each other doesn't always mean having all the answers. Sometimes, it's about listening or simply being there. Develop a code word or signal for those moments when you're feeling overwhelmed and need a break or extra support. This can help maintain a supportive environment even in the midst of stress. Finding Balance Finding balance between caregiving, personal well-being, and your relationship can seem like a daunting task. It's essential to carve out time for self-care and each other, apart from your roles as parents. Engaging in individual hobbies or activities and scheduling regular date nights or activities as a couple can help maintain a strong bond. Practical Strategies for Caregiving Educate Yourselves Together: Learning about autism as a team can help align your understanding and approach to care. Websites like Autism Speaks (www.autismspeaks.org) offer comprehensive resources for families. Create a Support Network: Connecting with other families navigating similar experiences can provide emotional support and practical advice. Online forums and local support groups can be valuable resources. The Autism Society (www.autism-society.org) is a good starting point for finding community connections. Seek Professional Guidance: Sometimes, professional support is necessary to navigate the complexities of autism. Family therapy or counseling can provide strategies to strengthen your relationship and family dynamics. Apara Autism offers free consultations, you can schedule yours here. Focus on Strengths: Every child with autism has a unique set of strengths and abilities. Celebrate these strengths and incorporate them into daily activities and learning opportunities. Establish Routines: Children with autism often thrive on routine. Working together to establish and maintain consistent daily routines can benefit your child and reduce family stress. In Conclusion Navigating the emotional landscapes of autism requires patience, understanding, and teamwork. The journey is long, but together, you can navigate the challenges and celebrate the joys that come with raising a child with autism. By supporting each other, maintaining open communication, and taking care of your own well-being, you can build a strong foundation for your family and your child.

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